Afraid
by Clockwork-hart1
Summary: Out in the black, the Reavers are hunting... But River knows what Jayne's really afraid of...


(Note: The first line makes it sound far more angsty than it is. Trust me.)

* * *

"She knows it's there but cannot feel it, cannot see it." River Tam once more brought the knife down on her wrist, seemingly unable to draw blood. "She knows she lives but cannot prove…"

"River!" Simon Tam's voice reached notes too high in his exclamation, as he entered the cockpit and launched himself at his sister, failing miserably to pry the blade from her rather strong hands.

"Death will claw it's way aboard and feast on the living. Blood for life, blood for death. Serenity turns black, we all lie down and we become as corpses. Only the dead can hide from death." There was no panic in her voice, no fear, the words were coldly spoken.

Simon stared incredulously at his sister, trying desperately to decipher the meaning amongst her madness. 'She's not mad, just broken. You'll fix it, you have to.' But he had to keep her alive first. And hadn't she just said she wanted to kill herself, is that what she meant? 'God', he didn't believe in him, but he was thinking thoughts in that direction anyway, 'help'. He glanced upwards, in the direction of the deity he didn't believe in. That was when he saw. Faint and distant, but approaching, from the windscreen a Reaver ship could be seen. 'We all lie down and become as corpses. Only the dead can hide from death', River was a genius.

He grabbed his sister tightly and kissed her forehead, lucidity apparent in the face she pulled.

That was when Jayne decided to enter the pilot's quarters. He'd been eavesdropping, and her morbid nonsense had intrigued him a little, so he'd moved inside the room to stand directly before the windscreen. In full view of the Reaver ship.

River yanked her small frame free of Simon's hug and launched it at the oblivious Jayne, tackling him to the hard metal ground. Given the size difference—Jayne was muscular and not a small fella—this was no mean feat. She'd even rigged it so he was on the bottom taking the brunt of the impact.

"What in the—" A small hand clamped firmly over the gunslinger's mouth.

"Reavers." She whispered, voce hardly audible.

Jayne nodded. You don't mess with Reavers.

Simon, who had also dropped to the ground when River had taken down Jayne, was crawling—more like scuttling—across the floor towards the mike from the PA system. Grabbing it in his hand and switching it on, his shaky voice rang out through the halls of Serenity. "Serenity, this is Simon. We're turning off the lights. There are Reavers outside. River says they want us. Kaylee, switch off the engine, we're gonna play dead." He glanced at his sister, still lying atop Jayne, which was more than a little nauseating to look at.

The blinding light flashed through the windscreen, bathing the ship in cold sliver glow.

Jayne and River stared at one another, both somewhat frightened, as the cold, dead light continued searching. Then, all at once the light cut out. The world felt painted in consummate black.

The gunslinger let out a relieved breath and all but threw River off of him, sending the reader's lithe little form sprawling across the cockpit floor. Then Jayne jumped to his feet, glad his life was no longer in peril—though he hadn't been complaining about the warm body covering his. Sure, the girl scared the _go se_ outta him, but she was no sore for the eyes, or for the body, as he now knew. He would still sell her off in a heartbeat, but he was learning to appreciate her as more than a hindrance.

That was when the lights flashed again, catching Jayne in their beam. The ship was close enough to see inside, even with the lights off and Jayne, in panic was frozen stiff.

"Blood for life, blood for death." River was muttering to herself again. It was shaking his calm. Jesus! Didn't the gorram girl realize there was a time and a place for her crazyness, and their deathbeds wasn't one of them?

As she whispered to herself, River picked up the knife once more and sliced a shallow cut into her right arm. This time she bled. Blood seeped through the incision, rivulets flowing into waterfalls. Her left hand dipped into the crimson, painting it in her blood, and then she stood, looking first at Simon, then at the blinding windscreen and finally at Jayne, still frozen. Inhaling deeply, face contorted into a silent scream, River launched herself at the illuminated window.

Her body made a sonorous "crack" on the glass. She slid down, leaving two bloody pathways and a handprint on the windscreen.

Assuming the ship had already been ransacked, remaining life destroyed before they could join in the fun; the Reavers turned off their beams and swerved out of Serenity's view, heading into the blackness inn search of an untouched snack.

"RIVER!" Simon fumbled around the floor, feeling through darkness to find his fallen sister, whilst tearing strips off of his shirt to bandage River's cut wrist.

"Christ, is she alright?" Jayne tried to sound less concerned than he was. Well, she had just saved his ass.

"She lives." River muttered quietly, rubbing her head where it had collided with the windscreen, before wiping her hand free of sticky, congealing blood on the hem of her dress.

Jayne grabbed the mike. "Kaylee, Reavers 're gone. You wanna switch the gorram engine back on? I can't see a damn thin'."

Within the next few moments, the lights flickered back to life, the whirr of the engine buried the silence and River had a make-shift bandage on her arm.

"Are you sure that knife was clean, _mei-mei_? Come, I'll clean out that cut." Simon was being both a pestering older brother, as well as a concerned doctor, the most irritating and tedious combination. River glared in response.

Jayne, who also wanted Simon gone for what he wanted to say next—no way in the 'Verse was anyone allowed to hear it, or he'd never hear the end of it—spoke up helpfully; "gee, I sure hope Kaylee's alright…" Within a second, the Doc was gone. That just left him and River. "Now, Crazy-girl you know I ain't overly fond o' you. But I 'ppreciate what you did to save me. Without you there my ass woulda been Reaver chow…" The words were muttered almost incomprehensibly. But River understood.

Her face was blank, brown eyes wide. "She saves you, and yet you fear her. Why?"

Jayne lost his hold on his temper. "Because, you little freak, you've tried to kill me. Twice."

"And you me. And I still save you. Why are you afraid?" She smiled this time.

"Ah, screw it!" Jayne grabbed River, pulling her close and kissed her, long and deep. At first she squirmed, trying to pull away, but then she was sinking, leaning into him. He pulled back, removing a hair from her face. "The Alliance and their cash can shove it. If you wanna be savin' my ass, I'm on your team."

River smirked. Oh, he was still afraid, just not of her brain. He was afraid of how much he cared.


End file.
